Dads: what happens when they start asking questions?

[Lobsterman]

The uncomfortable conversation is still a couple years off for me (I think... I hope...), but I just started pondering how I'll explain my toy collecting hobby to my son. Specifically the part about why I get to spend $200 on a cool giant designer robot toy and he doesn't. I know my wife is just going to stand back and laugh and laugh when my little doe-eyed boy first poses that question to me.

As toy collectors, I assume we think little of dropping that kind of cabbage on our hobby (or at least have a fairly healthy budget for it). I also concede our toy budgets probably get cut significantly back once we have kids. But I think back to when I was a kid, and getting to spend even $20 or $25 (adjusted for inflation) on a toy was a big deal. How do you guys explain/justify yourselves to your kids when you come home from work with a Toys R Us bag or that big ole crate from Luke's shows up on the doorstep? I assume there's not a very satisfying rational argument to make to a six-year-old, so is it just, "I'm the grownup and I make the money, so shut it?" Do you set up some kind of visible "allowance" system for yourself so he can see you have to "earn" your toys just like he does?

I know there are a number of dads on the board, so I'm curious to hear your techniques.

[pappymojo]

I'm probably not a typical collector. The only toys I buy are minimates. Part of the reason I like them so much is that they are cheap. I don't overspend. Also, my boys will inherit the entire collection as soon as they are old enough to play with them.

[Shanester]

I have three sons ages 18, 17 and 2 years of age. Right now, and n the past, it was difficult to get the boys to comprehend why I didn't play with some of my toys and why they couldn't either. I have always allowed them to touch or hold my collectibles and show friends, etc., but they could not engage in play with many of them. I bought them their own Minimates, so that was one thing off the list.

As far as teaching them about why I have them, I guess I didn't really. They grew up having their stuff and Dad had/has his. If they really liked something I have, I have tried to get them something similar of their own. For example, my 17 year old son is a big fan of Kit Fisto, the Jedi Master. When he was younger I got him a Sideshow Collectibles 1/6th scale Kit so that he could pose him and such, just as Dad has done with his Darth Vader 1/6th. My sons have a few really nice high end pieces from Death Note, Star Wars, Naruto, Halo, Lord of the Rings, as well as some nice signed lithos and original comic art on their walls. They take very good care of it.

In thinking about it, I guess I have two kinds of collectibles. I have high end stuff that is very breakable and I keep behind glass (in most cases) and then I have things that I think grab a kids attention more like Minimates and other action figures. I do sense some frustration and maybe even a little disbelief when I won't let my 2 year-old play with what are obviously toys. However, I can usually draw his attention away from my stuff with something that belongs to him. He gets lots of new toys which is something I have always tried to do for my boys. At the same time, I do have things I let him play with. He loves my Hulk riding a four-wheeler. Its not rare, so if it gets broken, I'll get another...

None of this will probably help you, but try to make your child a part of it and I think you'll find that they become protective of your stuff.

[Lobsterman]

Shane– I'm not quite as worried about the "mine vs his" thing as I am about why I get to buy toys whenever I want and he doesn't. Like, he sees something at the store he wants, but there's an obvious roadblock to him getting it (mom and dad), but there's not necessarily that same regulator for me. Do you have that problem?

[Shanester]

Hmmm, I see what you're saying. I don't ever recall that challenge, at least not yet. My older boys never hit me with this scenario. I did limit them though, sort of an allowance kind of thing. They got money each week and they could elect to save it up or cash out and use it. This way if they wanted something, they had to be patient until they had the funds. I think I let them go "on account" once or twice, borrowing against money they weren't "due" yet, but it rarely happened. Maybe something similar will help. It wasn't a lot, like $5 a week.

[MisterPL]

I recall an interview with Harrison Ford talking about getting his ear pierced on his 60th birthday. His young daughter asked, "Why can't I get my ears pierced?" He said something like, "When you turn 60, you can, too."

That's pretty much how I handle it. We all spend our disposable income on the things we want. Some have more than others. I don't have parents and grandparents and other family members throwing cash my way for birthdays and holidays so I teach them to budget accordingly. So while my kids have saved to buy iPods and iPads and other big-ticket items, I work to have a collection of over 1400 Minimates.

[TM2 Dinobot]

I think my dad used to tell me "When you pay for everything in the house, then you can buy what you want"

[Shanester]

I think my dad used to tell me "When you pay for everything in the house, then you can buy what you want"

Get a job.

[TBT!]

Shane– I'm not quite as worried about the "mine vs his" thing as I am about why I get to buy toys whenever I want and he doesn't. Like, he sees something at the store he wants, but there's an obvious roadblock to him getting it (mom and dad), but there's not necessarily that same regulator for me. Do you have that problem?

Once he figures out what that scathing look MrsLobsterman gives you in TRU means... it will all make sense to him ...

T.

[Zexion_Armando]

I'll tell my kids to stop whining about not getting a 200 dollar "toy" and get back on his hover scooter.

[MiniFiend UK]

as long as the bills are paid there is food to eat etc and your other half is ok with it your disposable income is your own to do with what you like. When the kids have money they can buy what "toys" they want.

[hellpop]

The biggest problem I have with my daughter about this is that we go to toy stores more frequently then most kids, so she hears "no" a lot more then some others. She handles it pretty well, all things considered. I think she understands the difference between my stuff and hers, and I usually share it with her, so we don't have too many problems. Honestly, less then I expected. She rarely gives me a "why do you get something and I don't" thing, which is good. She does give me a hard time about all the packages, though.

[Lurch77]

My kids don't look at it as my toy collection, they look at it as their future toy collection. I also let them help me pick out which sets we get and they help with taking pictures too.

[Lobsterman]

My kids don't look at it as my toy collection, they look at it as their future toy collection.

That's what I tell him when we're walking around the toy room after a 3am feeding.

[TBT!]

My kids don't look at it as my toy collection, they look at it as their future toy collection.

That's what I tell him when we're walking around the toy room after a 3am feeding.

What are you doing in Lurch's toyroom?

I don't have kids but have a hard time stopping the cats from wanting to play with my toys...

T.

[MiniMage]

My father used to collect Hotwheels, which made ME collect Hotwheels. He'd give me some of the Hotwheels he owned as a sign of trust. I should never damage the ones he gave me. That's exactly what I did. I knew what was mine, and he knew what was his.

Then he stopped collecting Hotwheels, and then I stopped collecting Hotwheels. Years later, I start collecting Minimates...and now I'm the only collector in the family.

[minijeff]

This comes up in my house, not a lot but sometimes. The girls don't seem to pay much mind, they have their own toys including a bin of Minimates because they do like to take after dad a bit. My son on the other hand sometimes has issues with it...especially if I have gotten a big box from Luke or several packages in the mail. We have had the talk about the fact that dad is working hard to provide for what the family needs which also allows me to enjoy collect some stuff. He is getting generally better about it and knows that I do hunt out specifics he asks for when I have the extra available cash. He also knows that he benefits from it as he usually can have first shot at extras. There has been times where he has been asked to leave my toy/comic room due to excessive complaining that I get more, he used to be very insistent on the system being unfair, that I got more toys than he did lol. Every kid will look at it a bit differently but I am sure you'll handle it just fine! And of course if you need advice we are all here for you, after all we are all in this together lol!

Jeff of the Miniacs

[MisterPL]

One of the things that saves my ass, especially with MrsPL, is that this hobby is my only vice. I don't drink, smoke, gamble, do drugs... Hell, I've never even been to a strip club. So when her friends see my collection and shoot her looks that say, "THIS is how he spends his pocket money?" she backs me up and tells them she has a lot fewer worries about her husband/father of her children than they might with theirs.

I'm going to go upstairs to the Toy Cave and huff my plastic crack now.

[hellpop]

A couple months ago, my wife's father and her uncle came through on a visit. She showed them my collection during the house tour (most of my figures are lining the shelves leading up to our attic), and her uncle asked how many she thought I had, and about how much they cost. She ballparked it, and he said "hmmm... nice car".

Thank God he didn't see the comic books.

[steviebabes]

Lobsterman, I actually got into the Minimates through my son's interest in them. He had a liking of comics and the related films associated with them (probably in large part thanks to me) so when I saw the first series of Marvel 'mates on a market stall they were cute and inexpensive and reckoned that they would make pretty sweet stocking fillers for him at Christmas. Of course he loved them and as the line expanded it would become our fortnightly ritual to have a trip to the nearest comic shop (or 'geek' shop as we affectionately know them), and check out the latest issue of 'Toyfare' over Hot Chocolate in a nearby cafe and snap up any 'mates figures that were available. Happy days, my friend, very happy days indeed.

Over the years of course he got older he started college, developed a very healthy social life, met a lovely girl and became more active in gaming his interest in the line waned and that's where I come in - through playing with the Minimates figures with him I developed an appreciation of the design and artistry they contained and missed the regular plastic 'fix' of looking over the latest releases with him. And then they decided to go with Galactica and then Universal Monsters - well I've always been a huge science fiction/classic horror film fan so this was just the ultimate for me and I've been trying to keep up with selected lines ever since. And much as I like the darned things if he ever rekindles his love for them then he can just have them all. He'll get them when I kick the bucket anyway.

As a few of the other fellas have posted, personally I am very low maintenance - don't drink, smoke, don't go to sports games, don't have a car so the 'mates and movies are my only vices. I haven't got a lot of money but my wife and I are lucky to have regular jobs so do have enough to get by okay. We have a weekly spending 'allowance' that we each choose to use in our own way independent of one another and it's worked out okay for the twenty five years that we've been married. I think that she views my liking for the Minimates as a bit of quirky eccentricity in keeping with traditional left of centre English interests in toy soldiers and train sets!