MiniMage Posted November 25, 2012 Share Posted November 25, 2012 I close relative of mine died recently. I can't say too many details. We're dealing w/ it quite well. Me and him were quite close, and he was fun to be with. Then I wondered how you guys cope w/ this kind of thing. P.S. Mods delete/move this if you wish, I shall not object. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mystery Man Posted November 25, 2012 Share Posted November 25, 2012 (edited) Hi, First of all, you have my deepest condolences about your loss. I'm very sorry to hear that you've lost a loved one. While I've been through this myself many times, I don't pretend to know what you're going through. Also, I don't know your spiritual beliefs, if any, so I won't make any assumptions or comment on that end of things. I have some experience in the counseling field, although by no means am I a professional. You may want to seek professional counseling and I recommend doing that. My advice with be a little of that and a little of my own past experience. I hope that it helps. I'm glad to hear that you're taking it well, all things considered. You mention that "we're dealing with it quite well". I assume the "we" is your family? In times like this, it's very important and helpful to give/receive comfort from your loved ones. Family and friends. Reach out to them. Keep communication open with each other and let them know how you're feeling/what you're thinking. Ask them to do the same with you. Be there for them, even if you're not talking about what happened... just your presence may have a comforting affect. This is a two-way street and they can do also do the same for you. By being open and genuine about your emotions, even if they hurt, I've found that's a very good way to handle things like this. Enjoy the memories that you have with this person. Be happy for the time you had with them. Be mad that they aren't here now. It's okay to cry. Like, get all red-faced with mucus running down your lip-crying. This is okay. It's the most helpful to process these feelings now. I know that while thinking about this, it may be hard and you'll tend to dwell on things and get sad. That's natural. It's good to let yourself process these emotions, even if they aren't the best feeling in the world. Better to deal with this now than let it get all pent up inside and tangled up and not know where to begin with working it out later. Spend time doing things you enjoy. Go out and do stuff with friends. Getting out in public can be helpful too. And it's okay to be reflective and want some time to yourself too, but don't become a recluse with it. Read, watch movies and tee-vee... even if they're things you know by heart, if you want to. If they comfort you, then you should do them. Enjoy the things that you've always enjoyed. But if something hurts and you don't feel like you can take it (shared memories of watching a movie, for example) then don't do it. You can always come back to it later or enjoy it. Spend time on here or other internet sites you enjoy. Start messing around with a hobby that you've wanted to do but have never gotten around to. I remember building a bunch of Aurora monster models one time when I was upset about a situation like this. It really made me feel better. Lastly, remember that these are just suggestions and that you may want to seek professional counseling advice for more help. -Matt Edited November 25, 2012 by Mystery Man Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buttheadsmate Posted November 25, 2012 Share Posted November 25, 2012 Mystery Man whilst I've been typing & deleting you've done the job, well said . Avoid anger although I wish I could heed my own words . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mirymate Posted November 25, 2012 Share Posted November 25, 2012 Nothing I can add (since Mys went so thoroughly Dr Phil on us, gj Matt) except I'll make mention of you when in my prayers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mystery Man Posted November 25, 2012 Share Posted November 25, 2012 (edited) Thanks guys. I know what a tough thing emotions can be and a situation like this is going to be almost insurmountable feeling. Hard as shit. So I wanted to pass on what advice I could in the hopes that it'll serve well. I hope so. I've found that anger is a slipperly thing in situations like this. You either feel it too much or not enough. While I don't recommend getting wild about it and wrecking a car into somebody's house... it's definetely "okay" to be angry and get through those feelings and on to accepting it. And I forgot to add, I'll be thinking kind thoughts for you and yours as well, fella. Edited November 25, 2012 by Mystery Man Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TM2 Dinobot Posted November 25, 2012 Share Posted November 25, 2012 Yeah, what MM said all the way. I think the trick to anger lies somewhere between the Jedi and Sith codes. We aren't monsters who feel nothing. We also can't let our passions control us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
warburger Posted November 26, 2012 Share Posted November 26, 2012 My sincerest condolences MiniMage, and Mystery Man already elegantly said what I wanted to, so I dare not repeat an inferior version of it, it was spot-on and universal. It might be cheap to give a quotation right now, but in times like these, I am often comforted by these simple words. "Everything changes, but nothing is truly lost". From the Sandman series, translated from Latin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jcastick Posted November 26, 2012 Share Posted November 26, 2012 My sympathies MiniMage. It is truly never easy, I myself have been through roughly 9 funerals of relatives in my life and I'm only 34. All of them were extremely saddening to me. But then my mom passed away 2 years ago and that made me realize, I needed to celebrate her life and not mourn her death. Granted I took some time to mourn but it wasn't all I did....I felt bad for as long as I needed and then just thought of every good time we had in the past. It does make the hurt easier to get through, sure it is still there, but the happy times will always make you feel better. Plus, it always keeps them in your thoughts which in my opinion is never a bad thing. Best wishes Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiniMage Posted November 26, 2012 Author Share Posted November 26, 2012 Thank you all especially you Mystery Man for the advice and thanks to everyone else for the condolences. Rest assured, I'll be following your advice but like you said you're no professional so I might seek professional advice. P.S. By we yes I mean my family, sorry if I confused you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Turtle Posted November 26, 2012 Share Posted November 26, 2012 Sorry to hear about your loss, MiniMage. Mystery Man really summed it all up, but if you think you need any kind of professional help in coping, please get it and know that we support you. Death is an unfortunate part of life, and it's not something you ever really get over, but you will learn to cope. I've been going to funerals for as long as I can remember, and I lost a parent when I was a kid, so I've kind of grown accustomed to dealing with things, but looking back, there were times I probably should have gotten some help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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