TM2 Dinobot Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 Kudos to any one who gets the title refrence. Anyways, I usually bitch on my own journal, but recentally I felt like sharing here, because I feel close to yall. Please understand a few things about me straight off. I vent so I don't go postal on people. That doesn't mean I'm asking for advise, it just means I want to talk your ear off before I take some one elses head off. Lessee, where to start... Okay. I lost my job of 2 years at TRU about half a year back. I've been dredging out a living doing anything I can get my hands on. I'm trying to resort not going back into retail or anything, insted picking up freelance jobs. Legal papers, demos, refits. Yes, I am the dude in walmart offering you my saussage. Anyways, money has been super tight. So I haven't had much in the way of comfort from toys or comics. I think this is what God intended, to help me grow and draw closer to Him. But that doesn't mean it's fun. Anyways, this new job I got, they shorted me on my check be over $300, and basically told me if i can't prove it there's nothing i can do. Which they're right. However, I am working on ways to prove it. So I had just over $100 and decided to get some material comforts after I paied my bills. No minimates at all. However, they did havw the Transformer Classics, and SMC wave 18, so I got 2 of each, quickly draining my limited budget. I got smart about this, so I only opened Megs. Everything else is still sealed, and as much as it hurts, they're gona stay that way for a really rainy day. One new toy is just as good as 2. Anyways, to top it all off, I haven't had minimates in months. None of my friends collect them (heck, what's a "friend"?) so I can't even steal from them, and I have no money to buy or trade them. Man, I'm just having a rough time. Life has really got me down lately. I thought about killing myself because of some other stuff that's going on, but rapidly came to my senses and turned off the sad music. I think I'm okay now. I don't know. Thoughts? Am I going crazy? Or am I just being a winey little bitch because life has finally decided to start screwing with me and I need to cowboy up? (Oh, BTW. Classics Megatron=<3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Totalus_Kat Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 Life will treat you hard friend I know all about the lack of work, I left my job over a year ago to live with my partner down south (UK btw, so it would near london) Hoping to find work while I was there, but to no avail as the minute a job came available a student snapped it up as I was living in a town full of students thanks to the local university. All the funds I had was working all hours of the day, at a part-timers wage doing a managers work so in the end I walked away with £700+ also due to me not using up any holiday hours (ouch! I used none) Once that money was gone I did what anyone does come home to mom and dad But then I found I had a medical problem (not gonna discuss it) and had to have an Op to sort it, my partner came home to live for the summer all peachy and rosy and now he has gone back down south leaving on my own. A few weeks ago I had the operation I needed and now im in repair, I have no money and now no life... cept perhaps the minimate forums and various other things. So what was the point of me telling my story? Well when life gets ya down I just struggle on, always have and always will. My advice is this will only be a short term thing, sure you lost quite a bit of cash but you'll recover from it... just dont get down about it, there are far more people a lot worse than you. Not saying its me but hey you only live once so be happy I hope things start looking up for you TMT and just think there are minimates just around the corner, courtesy of the Random Giveaway Contest <G> All The Best, Martin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jatta Pake Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 TM2 - You may not be asking for advice but I'm going to offer some anyways. This advice comes from a very personal place within me, as I have had very close family members affected. I hope it doesn't come off as insulting, but I want to give you some food for thought. Clinical depression manifests from a chemical imbalance in the brain. People cannot just "snap out of it." It has real symptons which are very serious, not just a temporary down mood or feeling blue. You named two classic symptons in your post - anger or needing to vent (which is typical for males), and thoughts of suicide. Depression is nothing to be ashamed about. Most people will have at least one experience in their lives. Few people need counseling because of it and some people eventually "cycle" out of it on their own. But you should talk to your doctor about how you've been feeling. A doctor can properly diagnose the severity of any chemical imbalance, and provide proper treatment. The solution is so simple but so many young men refuse to address it. I think most young guys would be surprised if they knew more about clinical depression. I hope you haven't tuned out of my post because I brought up the D word. I fear some guys have suffered from it so long they think "that's just how I am." It's not how anyone SHOULD be. It should be treated because 1) quality of life suffers and 2) you can be harmed in the long term (stress on your organs such as heart, etc.). At a minimum, make an appointment and talk to your doctor very soon. The solutions are so simple. -Dan aka Jatta Pake Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TM2 Dinobot Posted October 13, 2006 Author Share Posted October 13, 2006 Oh yeah! w00t! I forgot about those! Yeah. I know. Thanks for your support. It just doesn't help to hear "it'll be okay. Every one goes through it." Well, no. I'm going through it. And I'm not everyone. I'm me. So dotn try and down play it, cause this is big for me and I'm not sure how to attack it. Not saying you're saying that. That's just how I feel. Thanks for your support! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Totalus_Kat Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 ^^ Can't complain about that answer Everyone isn't the same, if it were we'd be the borg or cyberman or summit, *shudders* you are right in what you've just said. Can't fault you for that, wasnt trying to down play it, ive been depressed almost committed suicide myself for being bullied, being harrassed for being gay... blah! blah! blah. But if anything we are helping by letting you vent cheers, Totalus Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jatta Pake Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 Yeah. I know. Thanks for your support. It just doesn't help to hear "it'll be okay. Every one goes through it." Well, no. I'm going through it. And I'm not everyone. I'm me. So dotn try and down play it, cause this is big for me and I'm not sure how to attack it. You are absolutely right. It doesn't help to hear that others go through it. You need to talk to a doctor. If insurance is an issue there are other options so don't worry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deadpool Posted October 13, 2006 Share Posted October 13, 2006 Maybe it's just me, but quite a few people on the boards have had problems lately. Crippler got laid off, Ady may be, TM2's depression, Rx78jj's love issues (maybe not the same, but still).... Actually, I had been having a depressing time for quite a while, but I'm now pulling out of it VERY well. I know this is hard, but just try to hang in there, and keep looking up. It is VERY hard to do though, and I understand if you need time first. Just my two cents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rx78jj Posted October 14, 2006 Share Posted October 14, 2006 Don't mean to butt in but I agree with all of you from it happens to all of us and that it can help to go to a doctor. But what jatta said kinda rang true too. Sometimes it's just weird that someone can go thru it and show outward signs of being fine, but inside it's just another story. I thought that having someone there with you would help, but sometimes they add to it even if they don't mean it. But all in all you just need to chug thru it. But talking helps and listening helps. Vent, but keep your head up. There's absolutely no need to kill ones self cus that only causes more pain to the ones you love and those around you. I tried myself a few times and thankfully they were never succesful. Just keep your chin up and in the end you'll be rewarded. We can all be superheroes when the time comes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CRISIS Survivor Posted October 14, 2006 Share Posted October 14, 2006 TM2 i may not be in the "real world" yet but i know how it is to go through depression but i took it further than i would like to remember lets just say i made a mistake before i got help but to this day (the incident was about a year ago) i still walk a thin line between happiness and depression what i did was stupid and i wish i could change what i did but i cant and some days i still don't see a reason for getting up in the morning but i look at it this way i may not see the light at the end of the tunnel but as long as i keep going forward i will find it eventually C.S. aka Austin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deadpool Posted October 14, 2006 Share Posted October 14, 2006 TM2 i may not be in the "real world" yet but i know how it is to go through depression but i took it further than i would like to remember lets just say i made a mistake before i got help but to this day (the incident was about a year ago) i still walk a thin line between happiness and depression what i did was stupid and i wish i could change what i did but i cant and some days i still don't see a reason for getting up in the morning but i look at it this way i may not see the light at the end of the tunnel but as long as i keep going forward i will find it eventually C.S. aka Austin IF you don't mind me asking, what was this mistake/incedent? If you do mind, just punch me and move on, I understand it's probably personal. I've made a few mistakes too. Some bigger than others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TM2 Dinobot Posted October 14, 2006 Author Share Posted October 14, 2006 Well, thanks guys. I am depressed. I get depressed when life gets me down. That's just how it is. It cycles. If I'm on a high, I can garantee there's a low comming afterwards. That's the same for every one. I know some people who are clinically depressed, and trust me, there's a world of diffrence between them and me. I'm just a guy who likes to keep things closed up inside, and sometimes I need to vent, that's all. About the suicide thing, let me explain. I was driving home from the office (which i broke all ties with today. yay!) and I was really upset because my check was sopoused to be between $500-$700, and ended up being $150. woh, right? I was shell shocked. My natural defenses kicked in, and I was dealing with it, accepting it and preparing to drudge on. That's how I made it through TRU (which almost put me in the hospitle.) I had nosebleeds at least twice a week. not the way i'd choose to deal with stress but just my natural reaction. So I'm driving home, and this thought jumps into my mind "Jump out of the car. No one will miss you" and then I thought about makign a will, and who would get all my crap. THEN i realized that I should prolly turn off the heart breakin country music before it gets me too down. So it wasn't an attempt, it was just a thought that i quickly dismissed. While still down, I am feeling much better after talking to yall. I think part of the reason I am is that I'm at a crossraods, and have no clue what to do, and I hate that. Like I told my dad tonight, I feel like I'm at a crossroads, and have been stuck here. And now all of a sudden I'm rwalizing that it's not a crossroads at all. I'm stalled out on the railroad tracks and there's a train comming. I'm sure I'll be fine after church on Sunday. Just out of curiousity, how many of yall have thought of killing yerselfs? Not attempted, just thought of it at some point? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jatta Pake Posted October 14, 2006 Share Posted October 14, 2006 and trust me, there's a world of diffrence between them and me. I'm just a guy who likes to keep things closed up inside, and sometimes I need to vent, that's all. Your belief in "a difference between them and me" is a very gray area. There are actually different levels of depression, some is mild and some is severe. Your doctor will tell you that almost every single person experiences some type at least once in their life. You are probably having a mild case, but I encourage you to discuss it with your doctor regardless. He or she would prescribe anything from a little extra excersise to even some mild medication. Going for a walk or a jog when life really is kicking you in the nuts can help clear your mind. Medication seems so extreme to a young person - I know how it sounds. But let's face it, evolution hasn't perfected the human body yet. I'm in my early thirties and I've already had appendix and back surgery. No one's perfect. Think about what I've said. You are certainly not alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JulesLuvsShinzon Posted October 14, 2006 Share Posted October 14, 2006 Sometimes it's just weird that someone can go thru it and show outward signs of being fine, but inside it's just another story. I know all about that! The worse thing about being in that state is the enormous sense of isolation, because by fronting up as "fine" you put a barrier up and no one can help you because nobody knows. I caved in ~once ~ and saw a counsellor, it was one of the best things I ever did. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fujis Posted October 14, 2006 Share Posted October 14, 2006 Just out of curiousity, how many of yall have thought of killing yerselfs? Not attempted, just thought of it at some point? I can sympathize with your situation TM2D but I don't think we need to go there. And I would also like to reinforce what Jatta Pake has said about talking to a professional. Talk to your family doctor and maybe ask for a referral to a psychologist or even a psychiatrist. I'm not suggesting that you need drug therapy but they can help to get your problems out in the open and help you to develop coping strategies that will help you stay "above water" so to speak. And JP is also correct in that a little exercise will help to raise your serotonin levels which could help to elevate your mood. But in any case, as has been shown, the community is here for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Totalus_Kat Posted October 14, 2006 Share Posted October 14, 2006 Just out of curiousity, how many of yall have thought of killing yerselfs? Not attempted, just thought of it at some point? *RAISES HAND* I have, the reasons above still apply... being constantly bullied, struggling with coming to terms with being gay, having no friends, blah! blah! blah! Just kids stuff, I was gonna top myself that night... my mam is disabled so has lotsa drugs and things and there was vodka in the house, so cudda done it. But I didnt... because I thought to myself what am I doing? FUCK what everyone else thinks of me, I'm me and I should stand up for myself. I did of course, and I'm still here Now things arent completely peachy, but with a 3 year relationship under my belt and engaged I might add, life has improved a substantial amount, so I'm glad I'm still here cheers, Martin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deadpool Posted October 14, 2006 Share Posted October 14, 2006 Just out of curiousity, how many of yall have thought of killing yerselfs? Not attempted, just thought of it at some point? A couple times, but then came my usual "Screw this, I'm better than that." I've put up with a lot of crap in my relativly short life, so I've had to be pretty emotionally tough when it came to stuff like that. I AM, however, a very loving and kind person otherwise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TM2 Dinobot Posted October 14, 2006 Author Share Posted October 14, 2006 Heh. Family doctor. The last time I was at the doctor's was when I was born. ...No, wait. When I had my 5 yo imunization shots. Yep. That was the last time I've been to the doctor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rx78jj Posted October 14, 2006 Share Posted October 14, 2006 Kat good luck on your relationship. I'm happy for ya. Also I really thought about going to a Psychologist. I mean i think they got some answers and questions that most of us havent even thought of or asked. But all in all it just helps to sometimes get a hug and someone to say I'll be there and everything is gonna be alright. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TM2 Dinobot Posted October 14, 2006 Author Share Posted October 14, 2006 But all in all it just helps to sometimes get a hug and someone to say I'll be there and everything is gonna be alright. YES! I'm not getting enough hugs! That's why I wanted to share. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Totalus_Kat Posted October 14, 2006 Share Posted October 14, 2006 *HIJACK* Thanks Rx78jj *UNHIJACKS* cheers, Totalus Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deadpool Posted October 14, 2006 Share Posted October 14, 2006 But all in all it just helps to sometimes get a hug and someone to say I'll be there and everything is gonna be alright. YES! I'm not getting enough hugs! That's why I wanted to share. Everyone needs more hugs! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CRISIS Survivor Posted October 14, 2006 Share Posted October 14, 2006 TM2 i may not be in the "real world" yet but i know how it is to go through depression but i took it further than i would like to remember lets just say i made a mistake before i got help but to this day (the incident was about a year ago) i still walk a thin line between happiness and depression what i did was stupid and i wish i could change what i did but i cant and some days i still don't see a reason for getting up in the morning but i look at it this way i may not see the light at the end of the tunnel but as long as i keep going forward i will find it eventually C.S. aka Austin IF you don't mind me asking, what was this mistake/incedent? If you do mind, just punch me and move on, I understand it's probably personal. I've made a few mistakes too. Some bigger than others. it was a suicide attempt not much more i wont to say other than it was more than once and it was stupid Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rx78jj Posted October 15, 2006 Share Posted October 15, 2006 Hugs all around. LOL. And your welcome Kat. Me on the other hand am trying to salvage what I can from my wreckage of a relationship. Maybe after I try and fix it I'll be getting some of those hugs and maybe just maybe that other thing that comes from a long term relationship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TM2 Dinobot Posted October 15, 2006 Author Share Posted October 15, 2006 That's it. I'm renaming this the hug thread! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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