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The Outbreak Before Christmas


MINI_MYTE

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THE OUTBREAK BEFORE CHRISTMAS
by MINI-MYTE (aka: Eric Dlugokinski)
zombie-santa.jpg
Twas the outbreak before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The shotguns were loaded by the chimney with care,
Readied, for zombie Claus soon would be there;
The children all hidden under their beds,
While visions of terror raced through their heads;
And mama with her rifle, and I with gun cocked;
Had just hunkered down with all the doors locked,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the room to see what had splattered.
Away to the window I flew like a streak,
Tore a board from the shutter to get a good peek.
The moon on the breast of the gore covered snow
Showed hundreds of the undead roaming bellow,
When what to my wandering eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh, and eight zombie reindeer,
With a rotting old driver, so festering and sick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
All foaming with rabies his carcasses came,
And he groaned and moaned and called them by name;
"On Slasher! On Cancer! On Lancer and Poxen!
On Vomit! On Putrid! On Goner and Toxin!
From the flat of their feet to the top of their head,
Eat every human, until they're all dead!"
They could smell the living like beef on a side;
The entries all boarded, how would they get inside?
So up on the house-top the carcasses they flew,
With the sleigh full of limbs and St. Nicholas too.
And then in a twinkle, I heard on the roof,
The stomping and clawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my head and re-nailed the slat;
Down the chimney zombie Santa came with a splat.
He was dressed all in fur, his stench unforgiving,
And his clothes were all splattered with the blood of the living;
The length of the spine was exposed on his back,
Above his left brow was a pus filled sac.
His eyes all fogged over! His teeth were quite garish!
His cheeks were sunk in, his looks quite nightmarish!
His gross little mouth was revolting and vile,
And the beard of his chin was covered in bile,
A chunk of some flesh he held tight in his jaw,
Then gobbled it up to digest in his maw;
He had a drawn face and a torn open belly,
The contents of which was disgusting and smelly.
He was a walking dead corpse, not jolly or gay,
And his hungry old eyes came looking my way;
With a lunge of his body and a twist of his head,
He knocked me to the floor, I thought I was dead.
As we grappled and fought, his mouth opened bigger;
I put my gun to his temple, then pulled the trigger.
He slumped to his side, but before I could tire,
I tossed his cadaver into the fire.
As I struggled to stand, I found something most unexpected;
A bite on my shoulder, that was heavily infected.
My future looks bleak, suicide is close in sight,
"Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night."



I had some extra time to kill at work today and was feeling creative and in the Christmas spirit, so I parodied The Night Before Christmas with a zombie twist. I hope you all enjoy it. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all the forum members!

Edited by MINI_MYTE
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bloody brilliant buddy!! love it man, great work!

have you had a chance to read 'Its begining to look a lot like Zombies' zombie christmas carols!! it is a fantastic jolly read and a great gift for zombie lovers!

I just found the author has a book of zombie love songs out now too....gonna have to hope for that in my stocking!

Jeff of the undead Miniacs

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that is awsome- i just read it ouload to my wife and had to stop constintly becouse i was laughing so hard it put tears in my eyes, this poem is great man good work- i aim so going to read it to the boys at work tomarrow.

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